What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 28.06.2025 15:45
She found it foreign!.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Can you explain the difference between God and atma according to the Bhagavad-Gita?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Yankees Considering Starts For Ben Rice At Catcher - MLB Trade Rumors
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
How many downloads does an iOS app need to get into the top charts in education?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He resisted the act ,that day.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
BOJ braces for higher interest rates with provisions boost - Nikkei Asia
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Wake Forest baseball coach apologizes for homophobic slur caught on camera - The Washington Post
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
20-Year Mystery of The Muon's Wiggle May Finally Be Solved - ScienceAlert
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it wasn’t much.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Dobbins: 'No-brainer' joining ascending Broncos - ESPN
Comes on , in middle age.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
CLARITY Act takes center stage, throws SEC-CFTC feud into focus - AMBCrypto
So whats the point in blame.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Is it bad to sleep with music in your ears?
I write beautiful poetry .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Where you live may affect your risk of dementia, UCSF study finds - San Francisco Chronicle
I couldn’t, believe it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We were not on the streets..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I waited trembling.
He knew the spot.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I will be 64.
It was going to be , some day.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What did i know ?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So, i spoilt her more .
My life is so biszare .
I don,t even have a pension.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But ive been too sick for many years..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Was to survive, this bastard.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was scared of men, in general
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I never cut or harmed myself..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
All the time i was locked up.
Put me off passion for life!!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ive learnt so much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i do to all so called friends.?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My family never makes their pension either.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
This is soul school!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I think the readers, may guess!
I could never make a relationship work though!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She wouldn,t have been !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And i lived it daily.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Would this be the day?
But, we were locked up after school.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Why did i forgive my father ?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot live in the past .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
When she asked me how she looked .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She was in good health!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She loved him until the end.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I have no regrets .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Im still living with it.
I said to her
I was very sick at this time too.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Who then, do I blame.?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We all went to grammer schools
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was 9 years of age.
She married twice! .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.